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 How to Make Love Happen

 By Neeti Jaychander

Your heart pounds when you see him. The thought of him makes you smile and ridiculous songs suddenly seem touching — you are in love. While most of us seem content to put faith in the process of waiting for that thunderbolt of passion, it makes more sense to put yourself out there if love is what you’re looking for.

Be realistic: 
If your expectations are unrealistic, or your requirements are too rigid, you may pass up many opportunities for happiness. Most of us have probably met potential partners. But we may have failed to give them a chance because they didn’t fit into the stereotype society tells us the perfect partner must fit. “If you focus on creating everything you need in your own life, then your perfect partner will be able complement you, not need to complete you,” says Coimbatore-based psychologist Meera R.

Don’t just dismiss him: 
When jewellery designer Sneha Joshi met Rohit Das, she knew he was the sort of man she wanted — smart, good-looking and with a high-power corporate job. “I really liked him, but there was no spark,” says Sneha. She took the effort to find out little things about Rohit. “I was hoping to find common ground. He liked cricket, which I knew I could never tolerate, so I scratched that,” she says. “He also liked history and museums, something I hadn’t explored. So I found myself doing a bit of homework, and I actually picked up a new hobby.” Sneha worked on finding other such areas where she and Rohit would connect, “but I did it sensibly, without changing who I was”. Today, they have been going steady for two years and are all set to marry soon.

Don’t give up your other passions: 
If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the cat, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, etc. “If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy,” says relationships counsellor Krishaswamy B.

“And if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start.”


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