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What’s your breaking point? What gets you in a happy mood? In your eagerness to please your partner, don’t forget to ask yourself the most important questions…
It’s difficult to sustain relationships in the days of multi-tasking. Be it with your boyfriend, husband, parents, children or friends… it’s hardly possible to do justice to all of them. But while you may get lucky with some of your relationships, like with your partner or your children, the person you often ignore is yourself.
All of a sudden, when things start to fall apart, you realise that while you got busy taking care of everyone else’s needs, someone else forgot to do that about you. You may be aware of your husband’s breaking point. You may know what will stop your child from throwing a tantrum. But do you know what makes you snap? Or what makes you really happy? The next time you have some time to spend on yourself, make a list of the basic things that you must know about yourself; that’s the most important relationship women tend to miss out on — the one with themselves.
Who is that one person who always calms you down? The one who will listen to all your problems patiently… the one whose voice instantly sends you to a Zen-like mood? It doesn’t matter how much of a loner you are, there should be at least one person who’s on your instant dial in time of need. Please don’t think this is something that whiners do. We all need to whine, at times to make ourselves feel better.
Your breaking point
Pooja Sharma, marketing executive with a 5-star hotel, has always been a calm and dignified person. That is, until a couple of months ago, when a simple difference of opinion with a colleague blew into such an ugly argument that she could hardly belief she was hearing herself uttering expletives that would upset her, if they came from others. “Tension had been building up for some time, not just in the workplace. Some personal problems were bothering me too. My colleague’s sarcastic comment got to me and I lost it completely,” says Sharma. Since then, she has become extra careful and tries to understand her mood better.
That one stress buster
It can be a movie, music, swimming in the neighbourhood club’s pool, just plain gossip with friends or plain old sleep — don’t avoid doing things that de-stress you. Women often don’t give enough importance to it which is why they have a lot of pent up feelings and emotions that are ready to burst at the slightest provocation.
How to say ‘no’
Pleasing people is good, but not to the extent that you have to bend backwards for them. If your friends have taken you for granted and want you to tag along with them wherever they go, just put your foot down. If your husband’s friends think your house is the only decent place for social gatherings and you are not comfortable with it, convey it to him. You can do it politely. If workload at the office is bogging you down, talk to your superior and tell him your problem. Learn to delegate. And most importantly, know that it’s absolutely alright to say ‘no’ at times. It doesn’t mean you’re unprofessional.
“Spend time with yourself daily”
Psychologist Anu Goel urges all women to take time out for themselves. “Spend at least 15 minutes all by yourself on a daily basis. That doesn’t mean time spent at home with your husband or children, or even time spent listening to music. You should be all alone, taking a walk, so that you get the time to reflect on your day’s happenings. When someone is alone, the mind tends to focus on things that went wrong. You’ll automatically start thinking of solutions. That way, at least you are aware there is a problem. That’s very important and helps you to de-stress.”