“My mother-in-law is tearing us apart!”
“My mother-in law hates me and is influencing her son too!”
“My husband is torn between his mother and me!”
Do such statements ring aloud in your mind as well? – If yes, then it’s time you knew some essentials on how to tackle this age-old mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law battle. In fact, we’ve got you a few tips to win over your mother-in-law.
For most women taking that big plunge into marriage, their biggest fear is “Will my mother-in-law like me?” “Will she approve of her son’s choice?” Here in India, where the institution of marriage is still considered a sacrosanct affair and choice of partner still dictated by who the parents approve of, one’s relationship with the in-laws becomes all the more crucial.
According to Delhi-based marriage counsellor Gitashree Rajgopalan, the early signals of a tug-of-war between a girl and her mother-in-law are:
- When your MIL (mother-in-law) starts spending more time with your husband than her own husband.
- When she barges into your room with some petty issue while you and your husband are in the middle of something important.
- When she tries to dictate his choices (of food, clothes, habits etc).
- When she cuts you short in front of him.
These “non-verbal signals”, as Rajgopalan puts it, will help you gauge exactly how your mother-in-law feels about you, though she might not be telling you anything directly.
So is there anything that you can do to win your mother-in-law over? Definitely, just follow these golden rules:
- Be pleasant and courteous to your in-laws, in spite of what they think of you. Remember the problem lies with your MIL and not you!
- Never point out anything negative about your MIL in front of your hubby. After all, she is his mother.
- Don’t go out of the way to please your MIL – remember it often backfires. So keep your communication minimal, unless she is forthcoming.
- Never let your ego get in the way. Under such circumstances a clash of egos is the worst fallout!
- Watch out for how much support you gain from your husband. When things turn sour, men often choose to stay indifferent. So if he loves you, he should speak for you too.
- Finally, if things are not too bad, try implementing the age-old trick of a little love and some communication to clear the air!